I'm lost, totally and completely lost but the thing is that I don't know what I'm lost from and how to get back to not being lost. This year has taught me to be emotionally strong and objective and now I have nothing left but the feeling that part of my world has disappeared and an inability to understand how it happened. For once in my life I'm speechless, I can't find the right words to say about anything and it feels like my heart has been torn in two.

How is it that life can change so suddenly and yet the change seems to have so little effect at some stages and such a huge effect at other times . . . why is it that missing people is so painful . . . how is it that I keep doing my life and yet feel like I'm just looking down on it from above . . .

I know where I am going, I know where I want to be . . . I just don't know where I am now . . .